The Space Between Who You Were and Who You’re Becoming
On change, belonging, and the quiet courage it takes to keep going
Navigating change can be challenging because we have to release our grip on certainty. To drop ourselves willingly into the unknown takes a strength of character as certainty (always perceived) is a tonic to the human soul. Nothing says human more than our need to feel safe but there is nothing safe in change.
There is so much comfort in feeling that we are in control of our circumstances but when we want to grow we must learn to embrace the unknown, where outcomes haven’t been experienced and possibility is wide open, trust is your only real ally.
Individually this can be difficult as we are confronted with a new path, a new set of circumstance, a new way of being but at the same time we may have to deal with the resistance of others who witness us evolving. Our change can be difficult for our closest circle . Who is this person? It’s unsettling. It’s unknown.
This week I facilitated a panel discussion at a local event and someone shared a story of navigating change and the reactions of their family members. It reminded me of my own journey. A qualified solicitor, meeting the expectations of those around me and of a society that loves to use career choices to create the illusions of our enoughness.
I had ticked the boxes. Jumped through the societal hoops and passed the finished line. However one day I chose a new path. A path without a signposted direction. A new way and a way that others didn’t understand.
They knew the Claire from before. The good girl, who did as she was told, to please those around her. Her intention, albeit unconscious was just to be seen. To be loved. To be accepted. She performed well until she decided to step towards the unknown.
Looking back now I’m not sure what motivated me to keep going but perhaps it was because I connected so deeply with my authentic self. I connected with the parts of me that weren’t conforming to the world I lived in just because society told me what was acceptable.
What I do know now, is that my journey became a lonely one and in many regards has remained one of disconnection from the world and others, in order to allow myself the space to slowly remove the veils that have been covering my true essence. My boundaries were too flexible for close relationships and I leaned into connections with people at distance or online who I felt saw the world a similar way. I felt like I had two lives.
In 2020, when I began what was to become Like Hearted Leaders, it was a call out for community. My need for connection and deep conversations with others who were like hearted. Who saw the world in a similar way.
It created a space where I wasn’t the Claire everyone else knew me as. It was the Claire who wanted more. Who wanted to grow and expand and squeeze every last drop out of the human experience.
The journey has taken me places. Some places that I never wanted to go. Deep grief at the loss of the most profound spiritual connection that I’ve ever had but with that loss a deeper understanding of how I so easily can give away my power, allow my boundaries to be overstepped and fail to receive because I just so desperately wanted to feel the same love that I put out in the world. I realise now that the love is within me. It’s in the self trust I work hard to nurture and it’s in recognising the gifts within myself.
None of us are broken. We just forgot who we really are under the weight of what it is to be human. We have all taken on others expectations. Others fears. We do it so easily when connection feels like it might be lost if we don’t.
Like Hearted Leaders has become a weekly space to explore and expand who you think you are. A space to hold others through transitions, be that loss of a loved one, a career, a new job, the breakdown of a relationship. Yet it is also a space of joy. A space where we witness each other tapping into our authentic selves and flourishing.
We aren’t your family but it feels like family. We don’t judge but try to listen, to reflect and support. Many stay for years some stay for a little while until they find their feet but everyone who comes along is special. They matter and I make it my mission to ensure they feel seen and heard in that precious hour on a Friday morning.
Yes change can be difficult but the only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty and my best advice to you would be find a space to belong, with others who see you because being loved for who you are, just as you are is something we should all experience.
With love for the week ahead
Claire 💛
ps we are open for new members at Like Hearted Leaders. We meet online weekly. The hour you didn’t know you needed. Find out more here.